This webpage RockyVision and LWC Books 1998

A bank robber in Nebraska became smitten with the teller, who handed over the cash. When he phoned to arrange a date, she kept him on the line long enough for the police to trace his call.

An Atlanta man ran afoul of the law when he robbed a bank and then went shopping at a sporting good store to buy running shoes to aid his getaway. Roland Gibson walked out of the bank with a white bag stuffed with cash, strolled right next door and bought the sneakers, investigators said.
Suspicious store employees called the cops after noticing Gibson putting on the sneakers and removing his shirt as he waited in line to pay. But even the sneakers didn't do much good. Police nabbed him after a short chase.

An Illinois deputy sheriff spotted his brother's picture on a wanted poster and promptly had him arrested, said officials. The man was charged with robbing the Union National Bank and is a suspect in others.

A man wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This is a stickkup. Put all you muny in this bag," on a deposit slip. While standing in line waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed the note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it, and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stick-up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to the Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and left the Wells Fargo Bank. The teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later. He was waiting in line back at the Bank of America.

A woman robbed a bank. When she arrived home, she discovered a dye packet had leaked all over the money. She went back to the same bank and tried to exchange it for money that was in better condition. She was arrested.

A Hong Kong gang of bungling counterfeiters have been arrested by authorities for trying to pass a fortune in five million dollar bills. Alert officials at the bank where the crooks tried to deposit the fake cash didn't take long to uncover the scam since the U. S. Treasury Department has never printed five million dollar bills.

Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into a bank in Florida one day. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "Freeze, mother stickers, this is a f--- up!
For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him.
The thief ran away. The bank, in memory of the event, put a plaque on the wall - "Freeze, Mother-Stickers, this is a F--- Up!"

Tennessee, a man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera while it was recording - remotely. The videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.

Six police officers filed a lawsuit against bank robbers, claiming emotional distress following a shoot-out. The suit alleges "extreme and outrageous" behavior by the robbers. One of the suspects, died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, the other two plead guilty to bank robbery charges.
"They are not doing this for the money," said the attorney representing the officers. "They want to send a message to fellow cops that they don't have to deal with this"

San Francisco police shot and killed a man during a bank robbery. The suspect's wife was two months pregnant. Does the fetus have a right to sue? "Yes," says a federal appeals court, but not until it's born. The landmark decision could open the delivery room door to new realms of litigation.
The court held unanimously that the now eight-year-old boy can sue police on a claim that excessive force deprived him of a parent.

Thomas Morton, a disabled Vietnam veteran from Florida, apparently had had enough and wasn't going to take it anymore. After beating up on an automatic bank teller machine with the arm off his wheelchair, he then proceeded to whip out his pistol and fire six shots point blank into it - all because the machine refused to give him cash and, adding insult to injury, gobbled up his bank card in the process.
Morton, still chafing over the incident, and now facing vandalism charges, told reporters, "It was the second time it's happened. I got upset"
Police say Morton probably pushed a wrong button, entered a wrong number, and the machine was just doing its job.
But not anymore.

Police officers in Hamburg, Germany, could hardly believe their eyes when they answered an alarm and found two potential bank robbers in a fistfight in the middle of the street.
Witnesses said the crooks arrived about 15 minutes apart and clearly were not working together. They got into a heated argument that quickly escalated into a full-scale brawl.
Both robbers were arrested.

A bungling bank robber, unhappy with his small haul, accidentally set himself on fire in front of stunned tellers and customers. The man walked into a Canada Trust branch in Burlington, Ontario, with a lit Molotov cocktail and demanded money.
When the robber didn't get as much as he wanted, he grew agitated and began shaking the bottle and screaming. The makeshift bomb exploded, first setting his right hand on fire, then engulfing him in flames.

Police in Des Moines, Iowa, easily subdued Ronald Siedelman in the Norwest Bank after he had given the teller a long, poorly written note that officers characterized as implying a bank robbery. It asked for $19 trillion. Siedelman further astounded tellers by walking outside as tellers were deciphering the note. He said he wanted to smoke a cigarette and didn't want to violate the bank's no smoking policy.

Security staff at the Fifth Federal Reserve Bank in Richmond, Virginia, held a conference to discuss ways of making employees safer from attack following a spate of armed robberies.
An argument broke out among the security men, and in the ensuing gunfight one guard was killed and three injured.

Xavier Hunter robbed a bank in Chicago, Illinois, then ran outside into a mass of police officers who were lining the streets because President Bush was making a campaign appearance.

In New York, a man tried to rob a bank that was on the ground floor of a building in which the FBI had offices. Since it was the agents' payday, many of them were in line to deposit their checks.
When the robber made his demand, he instantly heard the clicking of 15 guns behind him.

In Annandale, Virginia, two men with bandannas over their faces and guns in their hands stormed the main entrance of the First American Bank. The manager had just opened the bank at 8:00 a.m., but the doors automatically locked behind him. Just seconds after the manager had entered, the first man rushed the door, bounced off it, and was thrown backward into the second man, who threw the first man back into the locked door. The manager told the police the men staggered back to their van and drove away. Neither was captured.

In Lincoln, Nebraska, Freedon Hunter drove up to a bank drive-through window and tried to cash a stolen check made out to "Tim Holt." The crook didn't notice the teller's name plate which read 'Tim Holt'." Freedon handed the forged check to Tim Holt, along with Tim's own driver's license, which had been stolen from Tim a few days earlier.
Freedom lost his freedom for six months.

Gregory Edmond Ballard walked into a Baltimore bank and asked to open an account. The bank manager asked for ID and Ballard gave him some. Moments later Gregory pulled a gun, robbed the bank and fled. But he left behind his Maryland state photo ID card and his employee ID card from a nearby hospital.
Now he has prison ID.

Bruce Damon walked into the Mutual Federal Savings Bank in Brockton, Massachusetts and asked for $40 million. The teller told him that was impossible, so Damon reduced the demand to $40,000. But as the clerk reached for the money, Damon told him to skip the cash and just issue him a check.
Damon was arrested at his own bank later, when he tried to deposit the check into his account.

In Sacramento, California, Ed Rose and Theodore Kuhl were arrested for robbing a bank. Officer found Rose standing in front of the bank immediately after the robbery looking for his Kuhl and the getaway car. When Kuhl finally showed up, he told police he's noticed the car was dirty and had taken it to a carwash.

Anthony Colella robbed a bank in Brooklyn, New York, and got away with $2100. But as he was making his escape, Colella got mugged. This outraged Colella so he called 9-1-1 and reported the theft.
When police arrived, Colella admitted his crime and gave the police a description of the mugger. The mugger was never found, but Colella went to jail.

A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. The videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.
The police, however, did.

Alfred Acree, a dope dealer in Charles City, Virginia, really didn't want to help pursuing officers catch him, but he could hardly have made their jobs easier. When police chased Acree into a thickly wooded area, they certainly would have lost him if he hadn't had those lights in his shoes.
While fleeing from the cops, Acree was wearing his new battery-operated "Light Gear" sneakers. Lights in the heels of the shoes flash on each time the wearer's heel strikes the ground.
In this case, they led straight to Acree and the discovery of his 12 bags of cocaine.

A 62-year-old grandmother, Dorothy E. "Queenie" Jones, was sentenced to 41 months in prison and two years probation for trying to smuggle cocaine to her 38-year-old boyfriend, Anthony Rosado, who is imprisoned at the federal penitentiary in Atlanta. Officials said Rosado tried to hide the 38 grams of coke in his waist-length dreadlocks.

A teenager in court on minor traffic offenses in Tennessee was jailed after a packet of cocaine fell from his pocket when he raised his hand to be sworn in. Brandon Hughes, 18, faces up to 12 years on drug charges, prosecutors say.

Police conducting a road block operation in Texas, stopped a man for not wearing his seatbelt. During the stop, the police observed three, silver pipe-like packages on the floor.
The police began to question the man as to whether or not the objects were pipe bombs. The man blurted out, "Man, that ain't no pipe bomb. That's cocaine"

In South Carolina, a man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of heroin on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

Amy Brasher, 45, was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change.
According to police, Brasher later said she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

Law enforcement officers have found drugs concealed in every imaginable place and most say nothing would surprise them. But when customs officials at New York's JFK Airport discovered that five pounds of cocaine had been put in the abdomen of an English sheepdog, they were shocked. Suspicious because the dog was acting so lethargic, agents had the dog X-rayed. The cocaine-filled condoms were removed and the dog, which would have died since it had not been fed in two weeks, recuperated and is living happily. The man who came to pick up the dog was arrested.

Michael Schmidt, 29, had been burglarized several times, so he decided to install a hidden video camera to catch the next culprits in the act. The burglars came back and were captured on tape, which Schmidt turned over to the sheriff.
Among the items the burglars took from Schmidt's house was a box containing eight marijuana plants. Schmidt was charged with misdemeanor drug possessions.

A dope dealer thought he was doing it right, setting up buys with his crack cocaine customers by paging them, arranging an impromptu meet in an ever-changing public place, then moving quickly on. But just once he paged the wrong guy.
He beeped an undercover narcotics officer with the Omaha, Nebraska Police Department, who met him, received a lot of dope, then slapped on the handcuffs. A subsequent check of the dealer's phone numbers revealed what happened.
"He missed the intended beeper number by one number," said Sergeant Mark Langan. But sometimes one number is just enough.

Joseph L. Cantey, 22, was arrested in Lindewold, N.J., in May on several charges. According to police, he had made a clean escape after burglarizing a home on May 5 and stealing a cell phone, but he returned to the home on May 10 to demand that the victim reactivate the cell phone service. The victim called his company but was unsuccessful, and Cantey fled, but now armed with a description, police spotted Cantey. In the ensuing chase, Cantey dropped 15 bags of crack cocaine and eventually led police to his brother and two others, who were charged with possession of even more drugs.

In most neighborhoods, a slow-driving truck blaring delightful tunes usually means ice cream for kids. In Brooklyn's Bensonhurst neighborhood, though, they're screaming for something else. Police arrested two men recently for selling drugs out of a Good Humor truck. James Lapointe, 19, and Alexi Zagrebin, 20, both of Staten Island, traveled the neighborhood selling frozen confections, hashish and marijuana from the ice cream truck, which was registered to Zagrebin's mother. Police allowed her to keep the ice cream.

In Morgantown, West Virginia, an angry judge could face 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine if convicted of biting off the end of a defendant's nose.
Witnesses said Judge Joseph Troisi, 47, stepped down from the bench, took off his robe and confronted Bill Witten, who had cursed the judge for refusing to lower his $40,000 bond on a grand larceny charge. As witnesses watched, the judge bit off a chunk of Witten's schnoz, officers said. Judge Troisi has been indicted on federal civil rights charges.

A court in China found night watchman, Qi Minggin, 61, guilty of making 180 long-distance calls on his employer's telephone. Qi was sentenced to life in prison.

Ellworth Stewart was charged with shooting two New York City utility company workers. His attorney said several factors contributed to his client's mental state including weak gun control laws that failed to prevent him from owning a pistol and the fact that the full moon that night agitated Stewart.

Lawyer: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Lawyer: Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"

Lawyer: And what happened then?
Witness: He told me, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Lawyer: Did he kill you?

Lawyer: Was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?

Lawyer: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Lawyer: Were you alone or by yourself?

Lawyer: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
Witness: It indicates intercourse.
Lawyer: Male sperm?
Witness: That is the only kind I know of

Lawyer: How long have you been a French Canadian?

Lawyer: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Lawyer: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
Witness: That's me.
Lawyer: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Lawyer: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Lawyer: Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
Mrs. Johnson: By death
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?

Attorney: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
Mrs. Jones: I use to be.

Lawyer: How many times have you committed suicide?

Lawyer: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Lawyer: Were there girls?

Lawyer: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Lawyer: What device do you have in your laboratory to test alcohol content? Witness: I have a dual column gas chromatograph, Hewlett-Packard 6710A with flame analyzation detectors.
Judge: Can you get that on mag wheels?
Witness: Only on the floor models.

Lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life?
Witness: Not yet.

Lawyer: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Yes, I have since early childhood.

The district attorney elected not to charge a woman who stabbed her husband to death during the course of an argument deciding she was acting in self-defense against her abusive husband.
The woman, on advice from her attorney, then sued the town and San Mateo County for $750,000, claiming the alleged slow response of paramedics responding to the scene caused the death of her husband.

During a murder trial in Texas, the district attorney stunned just about everyone when he asked the jury, "Ladies and gentlemen, have any of you ever been the victim of a homicide?"

Michael Davis, 24, was arrested in Savannah, Georgia, while inside a squad car parked in front of the precinct house. According to an officer who discovered the suspect sitting in the back of the car with a "most disgusted look" on his face, Davis had entered the car looking for guns but didn't realize that police cars' back doors automatically lock from the inside and out when closed.

Attorney: So, doctor. You determined that the gunshot wound was the cause of death of the patient?
Doctor: Yes, that's correct.
Attorney: Did you examine the patient when he came to the emergency room?
Doctor: No, I performed the autopsy.
Attorney: OK, were you aware of his vital signs while he was at the hospital?
Doctor: Yes, he came into the emergency room in shock and died in the emergency room a short time after arriving.
Attorney: Did you pronounce him dead at that time?
Doctor: No, I am the pathologist who performed the autopsy. I was not involved with the patient initially.
Attorney: Well, are you even sure then that he died in the emergency room?
Doctor: That is what the record indicates.
Attorney: But if you weren't there, how could you have pronounced him dead, having not seen or physically examined the patient at that time?
Doctor: The autopsy showed massive hemorrhage into the chest, and that was the cause of death.
Attorney: I understand that, but you were not actually present to examine the patient and pronounce him dead, isn't that right?
Doctor: No sir, I did not see the patient or actually pronounce him dead, but I did perform the autopsy and right now his brain is in a jar over at the county morgue. As for the rest of the patient, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere.

When is a person too drunk to move off the railroad tracks, whose fault is it if he gets run over by a train?
A Pensacola, Florida, a jury said it was the train engineer's fault. Despite the fact the victim had a blood alcohol content of .203 percent and had passed out on the train tracks, they ruled that the six-car train should have been stopped before running over him, severing his left arm and breaking his back.
They rewarded the drunk $600,000.

Lawyer: What is your brother-in-law's name?
Witness: Borofkin.
Lawyer: What's his first name?
Witness: I can't remember.
Lawyer: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
Witness: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (He stands and points at Mr. Borofkin) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name.

Lawyer: Did you ever stay all night with the man in New York?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: Did you ever stay all night with the man in Chicago?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: Did you ever stay all night with the man in Miami?
Witness: No.

Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
Witness: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Lawyer: What is your name?
Witness: Ernistine McDowell.
Lawyer: And what is your marital status?
Witness: Fair.

Lawyer: Are you married?
Witness: No, I'm divorced.
Lawyer: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
Witness: A lot of things I didn't know about.

Lawyer: And who is this person you are speaking of?
Witness: My ex-widow said it.

Lawyer: How did you happen to go to Dr. Chaney?
Witness: Well, a gal down the road had several of her children by Dr. Chaney and said he was really good.

Lawyer: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
Witness: It will be three months on November 8.
Lawyer: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Lawyer: Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
Witness: I should be.
Lawyer: How many times have you committed suicide?
Witness: Four times.

Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies have been on dead people.

Lawyer: Were you acquainted with the defendant?
Witness: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: Before or after he died?

Lawyer: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
Witness: Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronounciate his words.

Lawyer: What happened then?
Witness: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me"
Lawyer: Did he kill you?
Witness: No.

Lawyer: Mrs. Jones, is you appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

Lawyer: Could you see him from where you were standing?
Witness: I could see his head.
Lawyer: And where was his head?
Witness: Just above his shoulders.

Lawyer: You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch.
Witness: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.

Lawyer: Did he pick up the dog by the ears? Witness: No.
Lawyer: What was he doing with the dog ears?
Witness: Picking them up in the air.
Lawyer: Where was the dog at this time?
Witness: Attached to the ears.

Lawyer: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes, I forget.
Lawyer: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten?

Lawyer: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
Lawyer: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: 45 years.

Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I Cathy?"
Lawyer: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.

Lawyer: Sir, what is your IQ?
Witness: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Lawyer: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo cult?
Witness: We both do.
Lawyer: Voodoo
Witness: We do.
Lawyer: Yes, voodoo.

Lawyer: Did the defendant kill you?

Lawyer: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
Witness: Yes, she asked, 'What disco am I in.'

In Trumbull County, Ohio, Judge McKay said this to a man he was sentencing for kidnapping, robbing and repeatedly raping a 12-year-old girl. "When you slithered out of your hole that day and spewed your venom all over this defenseless girl, you made the court's Top Ten list of lowest scum this country has to offer. In a way, the best sentence this court could give would be no sentence at all, because if you left this courtroom, I don't think you would be alive 10 minutes. You are nothing but a weed among wheat. And when we have a weed, it's my job to eradicate it, because if I don't, you will choke the wheat. Therefore, I'm going to take you off the streets for as long as I can"
The judge then ticked off long sentences after long sentence for each crime committed against the girl.
"You won't be eligible for parole until you're 92,"the judge pronounced. "That leaves only one more count, aggravated robbery . . . You stole this little girl's bra as a souvenir, probably to brag about it to your friends. Well, I'm going to give you a souvenir of Trumbell County justice. And that is, a maximum sentence of 10 to 25 years on aggravated robbery for the stealing of that bra. I hope that in your last 25 years in prison, you remember that souvenir.
"Now get this scum out of here"

Lacking note paper, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, inmate Robert Attwood used toilet paper to file his 95th complaint challenging his jailing. He was released before a judge could hear it.

Cops in Binghampton, New York, spent some long days wondering who the "mystery guest" was in Cell 13 before they finally got an answer. And in the meantime, they had to make sure he couldn't get his fingers near his mouth.
Shortly after his arrest for leaving the scene of a traffic collision, their man-without-name chewed the tips of all his fingers, which made the fingerprint ID a bit difficult.
When all his little ridges, whirls and circles were healed, they identified Lane L. Fontes, wanted for violating parole and probation.

In Bloomington, Indiana, Monroe County uses "spit nets" to protect deputies from spitting by inmates. The mesh hoods fit over a prisoner's head. A mask covers the mouth, blocking spittle.

A prison inmate in Marianna, Florida, won a bizarre lawsuit against the federal authorities who are keeping her in jail.
They proposed to give her time off for good behavior; but Helen Woodsen - who, since 1985 has been serving an 18-year sentence for breaking into a Minuteman nuclear missile site in Missouri and attempting to disarm it - successfully claimed that early release, parole, or pay for work in prison all violated her religious convictions. She's determined to serve the full term.

In Bateville, Arkansas, a woman was injured when her car collided with one driven by her father-in-law. After the accident, they got out of their cars and exchanged gunfire.
When family members came to bail them out of jail, more fighting ensued, and several police officer were injured.

Minutes before she was to be beheaded for murder, a weeping woman pleaded for her life and received a pardon from the victim's family. As the executioner cleaned his sword for his second job of the day, Najah Al-Kariss asked to speak to the father of the man she killed.
She begged Dakheel Al-Luhaybi for forgiveness, the only way she could avoid execution under Islamic laws practiced in Saudi Arabia. He agreed.

A paroled rapist got 55 years in prison for trying to rape the therapist in charge of his sex-offender counseling. Joseph Tyler, 42, who had been attending group therapy as a parole condition after serving time for a 1983 rape conviction, was recently convicted of attempted sexual assault. Tyler wrestled the therapist to the floor of her office while she was preparing a bill for him. He had been attending weekly sessions for about six months before the attack.

Ms. Hind Abderrahim Mohamed, 17, was raped by a stranger on the street in Cairo, Egypt. The rapist has one chance of avoiding prison: Under Egyptian law, he cannot be punished if the victim agrees to marry him. She did.

In Prestonburg, Kentucky, a bride-to-be didn't make it to the church on time for her wedding. She was in jail, charged with shoplifting her bridal gown and other accessories.

A man, falsely arrested for robbery in Maine, had a great time in jail. The man said he had fun while spending two nights inside the county jail. "It was like a vacation for me. I got to watch cable television, which I don't have at home. I also played basketball and cards. It was like a mini-vacation"

A gorgeous gal helped her husband escape from behind bars by doing a striptease outside to distract the guards. Maria Vara was an instant hit with the prison guards at a Venezuelan jail when she started peeling off her clothes. But while she did her bump and grind and the guys drooled, hubby Jose slipped through a back door and scaled a wall.

The walls of the Davidson County, N.C., county jail cells are pink with little blue teddy bears on them.

A convict escaped from jail in Washington D.C.. A few days later the same convict accompanied his girlfriend to a robbery trial where she was the defendant. At the lunch break, he went out for a sandwich, but a few minutes later his girlfriend decided she needed to see him and had him paged throughout the courthouse.
Police officers in the building recognized his name and arrested him when he returned to the courthouse. Oh yes, he came back driving a stolen car.

After receiving a 5,005-year prison sentence for armed robbery, Barry Kemp, appealed to a judge in Louisville, Kentucky, for a reduction. The judge heard the appeal and reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.

In Florida, the state prison system plans to trade in their 400 gas-powered lawn mowers. Prison officials had complained that prisoners frequently took advantage of the free gas fumes to get high and sometimes stole gas to make explosives.

Laurence Baker's life sentence for murder was cut short when he was electrocuted in a Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, prison while sitting on a toilet seat.
Baker, 47, was wearing a set of homemade headphones plugged into a television so he could watch television at the same time. Police discovered that the wiring in the headset was bad.

A convicted murderer was prevented from committing suicide by cutting his head off with a buzz saw, but his dying wish came true when he had a fatal heart attack in the prison psychiatrist's office.
Two inmates and a guard stopped 43-year-old Arnold Russell, Jr., from sticking his head into the blade of a power saw at the prison woodworking shop in Mount Olive, West Virginia.
Later, while being examined in the psychiatrist's office, he became violent and dropped dead of cardiac arrest.

William Warren, serving a life term in an Oklahoma prison has accused prison officials of cruel and unusual punishment after he was denied the right to wear women's bikini panties and forced to don the standard issue white jockeys.

Stefan Wolozon, says he's really not crazy. He only said he was crazy so he wouldn't have to go to prison. Now, after 20 years in a state mental institution, he's figured it out if he'd just pled guilty, he would have been released years ago.
Wolozon, who was charged with rape over two decades ago, claims he pretended to be insane at the time in the belief he would only spend a short time in a mental institution, convince staff he was "recovered," and be set free.
Whether he came in that way or not, the shrink thinks he's certifiably nuts now. An Alameda County jury will hear his case, but it's doubtful they'll let him plead guilty, get credit for "time served" and hit the road.

A prisoner in Nevada sued for cruel and unusual punishment after he ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter, but instead received one jar of chunky and one jar of smooth.

In Florida, the state prison system plans to trade in their 400 gas-powered lawn mowers. Prison officials had complained that prisoners frequently took advantage of free gas fumes to get high and sometimes stole gas to make explosives.

In Teheran, Iran, cranky executioner Omar Alik Simavi has become the John McEnroe of beheaders. Reporters there have repeatedly caught the imposing, bearded six-footer snarling in fury when he fails to decapitate a prisoner in a single clean swipe. Sometimes he puts the blame on his assistants, berating them for failing to properly sharpen his sword. On other occasions, he screams at prisoners who've been merely nicked, accusing them of moving at the last moment.

In San Francisco, officers talked Bradley Kubik out of jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge only to shoot him after he pulled a fake handgun. He recovered. But later, he successfully leaped to his death.

In Amarillo, Texas, citizen Joe Brooks, spotting a man who was fleeing from the police in a public park, galloped after him on horseback and lassoed him.

More than 22 Beijing residents fell down open manholes in the Chinese capital last year after thieves stole the manhole covers, the Economic Daily newspaper reports. More than 2,000 manhole covers in the streets in the city were stolen because thieves were selling the 132-pound lids for $12.

Rick Rose, 34, was charged with armed robbery in Raleigh, North Carolina, after taking a man's wallet at a gas station by threatening him with a stapler in his ribs. Questioned by a Raleigh News & Observer reporter, police said they did not know if the stapler was loaded.

A proposal by New Hampshire Republican legislators that vandals be publicly spanked on their bare buttocks was fought by the ACLU. The outcome is unknown as this time.

Pittsburgh detectives nabbed a suspect who filled out a job application at a restaurant and within minutes decided to turn around and rob the place. Officers were astounded that someone would fill out a form and write out a form and write out his Social Security number before demanding all the money out of the cash register.

A man in Perth, Australia, was arrested at the airport for trying to smuggle three live crocodiles out of the country in his suitcase. The police say John Dunn, 36, planned to sell the reptiles to a private zoo.

In Washington state, an unidentified man, 28, who tried to firebomb the Monroe police station was left in critical condition when the device exploded in his face. Police said they had no motive for the incident.

Police in Fort Collins recently tried a new strategy to catch speeders. They place a plainclothes officer in a lawn chair to clock motorists while a uniformed officer writes tickets. On one three-hour outing they nabbed 60 speeders.

Four stabbings, a shooting and an attempted robbery occurred in Lincoln, Nebraska during the city's celebration of National Night Out, an annual event to help curb crime.

Robert Kevin Brown, 31, died after his truck plunged into a ravine along I-95 in Virginia. Brown had been annoyed that traffic that had been moving along at 55 mph was moving too slowly. As he leaned out his window to make a gesture at another vehicle, he lost control of his vehicle.

Chinese dissident Liu Gang, 34, was arrested in September in Liaoyuan and charged with failing to honor a previous court order requiring him to report to the police periodically and inform them of his latest thoughts.

Student body frat rats from Texas A&M were charged with criminal hazing for giving another student a severe wedgie. The first rats were convicted of lifting a cadet off his feet by pulling on the waistband of his underwear. The wedgie caused the required surgical removal of a testicle of the victim.

Governor William Weld of Massachusetts says he'll file a bill to keep inmates from getting cheaper auto insurance rates by piling up good driver points while they're in prison. The bill would freeze driving records upon conviction.

After receiving a 5,005-year prison sentence for armed robbery, Barry Kemp, appealed to a judge in Louisville, Kentucky, for a reduction. The judge heard the appeal and reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.

A woman in Rome, Italy, whose purse was snatched by a teen thug took matters into her own hands; she chased the boy down and bit off his nose. Witnesses told police the woman then spat out the purse snatcher's nose, retrieved her purse and calmly walked away. The boy required surgery to reattach his nose.

Police in Clarksville, Arkansas, will neither confirm nor deny reports that a hairy, 7-foot "apelike" creature has broken into six home, each time stealing food before vanishing into the woods.

Ludwig Wernhoff, an angry cement truck driver in Germany, took revenge after he was bounced from his favorite tavern by filling the place up with six tons of cement. Police say the 47-year-old was as loaded as his truck when he drove up the bar an hour after his ouster, stuck the chute into an open window and didn't stop poring until he'd emptied his entire cargo. "When he sobered up, he was real sorry," a police spokesman said. "But he still faces more than $100,000 in damages and some jail time"

A woman in Oroville, California, who was recently burglarized, decided to attend her first Neighborhood Watch meeting. Upon arrival, she noted the hostess was wearing one of the dresses which was stolen in the burglary. She wandered around the house and found the rest of the furniture and household goods stolen from her. She called the police and the Neighborhood Watch hostess was arrested.

Two would-be stickup artists had the bad luck to blunder into a bar where the revelers were 100 police officers celebrating a colleague's retirement. Somehow the "Closed for Private Party" sign wasn't enough to deter Charise Wynn, 20, and Davy Sutton, 43, police said. Officer Pat Camden, who described the pair as "our two rocket scientists," said they face charges of attempted armed robbery.
The two went to the bar and lured the bartender away from her post under the pretense they were making a delivery, Camden said. When the two brandished a knife, the bartender scrambled back to the party. Several officers made the arrest. "It's pretty dumb," Camden said. "How much money are you going to get from the bartender outside the bar?"

Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so the brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up more walls, floor, etc., they put the refrigerator back into the house and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize they had locked the keys in the truck - so they abandoned it.

A woman decided that she would bathe in the milk of a camel. So she stole a camel from the local zoo and transported it back to her house, where she realized that the camel's name was "Otto"

A man convicted in Texas for robbery worked out a deal to pay $9,600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check - a forged check. He got 10 years.

A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head - and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement, the Lawyer, knowing his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I have a surprise for you all," they Lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom" He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the Lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty" The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the Lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door" The jury foremen replied, "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't"

Milwaukee's Gary Arthur Medrow has finally been sent to a mental institution for his obsession with telephoning women at random and persuading them through various ruses to lift another woman and carry her around the room. Police have filed more than 50 charges against him in the last 30 years, mostly for impersonating a police officer, and he has spent about five years in prison.

Brazilian solvent abuser Sergio DeSa thought he'd struck gold late one night Saturday night when he broke into a Gola Glue factory and came upon four huge vats of glue. DeSa began excitedly inhaling the fumes until he got so glue-happy he fell headfirst through a vat and onto the wooden floorboards below, where he remained, stuck to the floor, until workers turned up Monday morning.
Emergency services managed to cut him free, but in doing so they were forced to remove a large expanse of skin from his back.

In Cove, Arkansas, a psychiatric exam was ordered for Orville Miller, 78, charged with killing Mayor Fred Neblick rode his riding lawn mower to City Hall and shot Neblick because he was upset over a $15.50 water bill.

In Wheaton, Maryland, Gilmore Addison and his son, Mark, got into a gunfight over whether the elderly Addison had taken his son's money. Retrieving his AK-47 assault rifle, Mark Addison peppered his father's bedroom door while his father returned fire with his .22-caliber rifle which hit Mark Addison in the leg and buttocks.

Hiding in a closet after having committed a burglary, Gardner Forster of California, fled nude from the scene. The police easily found Forester after he jumped a fence and fell into a cactus garden.

In Eau Claire, Wisconsin, a judge sentenced William Gasper, 59, to 50 years in prison for molesting a child, calling Gasper an "untreatable pervert." It was Gasper's sixth such conviction.

The A.T. Cross company in Lincoln, Rhode Island, gave 100 pen and pencil sets to the Leominister, Massachusetts police department. Recently, two Cross pens tucked into Officer Kent's left breast pocket deflected a bullet away from his heart when he was shot during a shoot-out.

Freeloaders beware. In Riga, Lativa, five "controllers" from a bus company beat a 33-year-old man to death because he couldn't produce a ticket that proved he paid for his ride. According to the local police, controllers routinely beat such freeloaders.

A Malaysian man was arrested for several incidents where he would climb onto the roof tops at night and use a fishing line and hook to lift the sarongs of sleeping women to look at their bodies.

A 36-year-old man was arrested by a store security officer for trying to shoplift a handbag and 16 other items. A search of his residence turned up 1,700 additional stolen goods. The man told authorities that he had intended to open up a discount shop with the stolen goods.

In Munich, Germany, pals of Gunther Werrsch felt sorry for him because he was in the hospital with a broken leg. Feeling he must be awfully lonesome - and dry - they rolled him and his bed out of the hospital and down the street to the nearest saloon, two blocks away. Nurses called police, who found the bedded patient and his buddies tipping the Schnapps. Officers insisted that Werrsch be wheeled back to the hospital.

In Stuttgart, Germany, a housewife blew her neighbor away at a dinner party for stealing her prized recipe. "I knew the minute I tasted the pudding she had somehow managed to get her thieving hands on my recipe," said Freda Oberst.
Police said she showed no remorse after shooting Heidi Schmidt between the eyes. In fact, they quoted her as saying, "Anyone who would do what she did doesn't deserve to live"

A Carcassonne, France, man was too good of a Samaritan. From his bedroom window, the fellow saw three men struggling to push-start a stalled auto, so he went out to give them a hand. It wasn't until the car took off with all three men aboard that he suddenly realized the auto was his own.

Michael Heath of Champaign, Illinois, was in Largo, Florida, when he witnessed a young fellow attacking an old man. Heath grabbed the attacker and sat on him until the police arrived. Heath weighs 300 pounds.

In Vancouver, a bandit wore a bag over his head with eyeholes torn out as he robbed a video rental store. But police are sure they know who to arrest. The bag the robber wore selected to wear was clear plastic, allowing the victims to see exactly what he looked like.

Being married to four women in three states does get a little confusing. It's also illegal as Vernon Pierce, 33, found out when a judge sentenced him to five months in prison for bigamy.
An Arizona resident and sometimes model, Pierce said he had to keep notes about his wives to keep the stories straight. Pierce was busted when two of his wives found out about each other and went to Glendale Police Department in Arizona.

In Taiwan, the minister of justice ruled that death row inmates have the same right as other citizens to bank their sperm so that the family line can continue even after the execution.

A burglar was caught hiding in a closet when the unmistakable sound of flatulence revealed his location. The career criminal was held by residents until police arrived on the scene.

Three thieves who stole an Oregon woman's credit card went on a crime spree making 724 withdrawals over 54 hours. Police said it was one of the largest fraud cases by automatic teller in U.S. history. ATM machines are programmed to prevent this type of even from occurring but a computer glitch rendered it ineffective. The woman didn't even know her card was missing until she got a call from her credit union saying she was $346,770 overdrawn.

Police in Portsmouth, New Hampshire say they're finding out jelly doughnuts can be hazardous, not because they're fattening but because they're being used as projectiles. Police snagged four teenagers boys in what Officer Steve Arnold called, "drive-by doughnutings. It was a sticky situation"
Arnold said that in the past few days, a group of teenagers had been throwing jelly doughnuts from an automobile at passersby, striking at least one jogger and nearly knocking a bicyclist off the road.
One of the targets got a partial license plate number and description of the car. Police grabbed the teens, questioned them and released them to the custody of their parents.

Cecille LeDoc, 41, got so mad at her husband, Daniel, during an argument in their Nice France, apartment that she picked up their 18-pound pet turtle and beat him to death with it.
The turtle survived.

In Calhoun, Louisiana, a determined would-be trucker stole three big rigs from a truck stop. He overturned the first, drove the second into a ditch and drove the third until the engine failed. Anthony Rudd, 24, faces multiple charges once he gets out of the hospital.

Chicago Mayor Richard Daley gave all city workers one week to pay their debts or risk firing.
The move came after he learned 5,200 city employees, half of them police officers, owed $1,2 million in unpaid parking tickets. Another 1,600 employees owed $835, in past-due water bills, including 102 water department workers.

Evelyn Daniels, 27, was rearrested in June in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where she'd been under house arrest on drug charges. According to police, her latest crime occurred when she was short on cash. She sold the monitoring device the court had installed to keep tabs on her for $5, to a pawnshop.

Cindy Hartman, 26, startled a burglar in her home and immediately fell to her knees and began to pray for him. The man apologized and called to his partner, "We've got to give back all of this stuff. This is a Christian home." The two burglars brought all the stolen items back into the home and even left their guns with her.

Paul Bivens, 28, was charged with attempted burglary of a liquor store in Greenville, Mississippi after the police matched his fingerprints. Bivens had slammed a door on his hand during the robbery, severing it. Police found the finger on the floor of the store and matched the print to Bivens.

Police in Krasnodar arrested a suspected cannibal who was caught frying human flesh in his home, the Itar-Tass news agency reported. Police also found boiled human flesh near the frying pan and the dismembered bodies of two elderly men were found in the bathroom.
The report came a day after police in the Siberian city of Kemerovo said a suspect had confessed to killing a man and making dumplings out of his remains.

A Pittsburgh teenager was arrested after shooting a 38-year-old woman. He told police he mistook the woman for a squirrel.

A California man on trial for the murder of a prostitute shocked the court, especially his lawyer, when he took the stand and blurted out that he had, in fact, committed the murder because he wanted "to ruin someone's day." Upon hearing the admission, his lawyer fainted.

Carol Publishing agreed to pay a convicted murderer $1,000 rather than defend itself against his lawsuit charging that one of the company's books mis-identified him as a serial killer. He complained that he is actually a multiple killer.

A frustrated Anchorage landlord trying to evict a drug-dealing tenant last month spray-painted "dope dealer, Apt. 11" on the outer walls of the apartment building. The tenant moved out.

When a refrigerator tractor-trailer ran off the highway near Island Falls, Maine, it resulted in a spill, but not of the hazardous substances type. In fact, it was more of the "delicious substance" type. The load was 14,000 pounds of fresh Maine lobster, iced and enroute to New York restaurants. The owner of the truck couldn't make arrangements to transfer his $55,000 cargo to another refrigerated rig, so he asked the police to help distribute the succulent crustaceans to local residents free of charge. State Trooper Timmy Saucier was pleased to coordinate the program.
"There are a lot of people in Island Falls and the surrounding communities who are very happy tonight"

A guy with a goatee and nose ring, walked into a downtown credit union as if he owned it. He immediately walked toward the rear of the office into an off-limits area, but was promptly stopped by an employee who asked if she could help him.
A funny look suddenly came over his face and he looked down at the floor, as if he had just remembered something, something really important. Then, thinking out loud, he mumbled, "I forgot my gun. I'll be right back." He didn't return.

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink and his friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no because he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving and they ask him to get out and walk the line.
Just as he starts, the police radio blares out that a robbery is taking place about a block away. The police tell him to stay put because they will be right back after the go check out the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might be looking for him that he had the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later, the police knock on the door. They ask if the man lives there and the wife says that he does. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing the his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find the police car, lights still flashing.
(This story was told at the man's first AA meeting)

Police say a hold-up man bungled his way through the robbery of Bud's Convenience Store in Decatur, Alabama. First, the robber used a pistol to force the clerk to give him all the money. Then, he ran out the door. But he left his keys on the counter and had to go back and get them.
He retrieved the keys, but left his wallet, complete with photo ID. Two blocks away, his car conked out. HE ran to the apartment of some female pals, but his 3:00 a.m. knocking woke up three guys who came outside and beat the guy up. But he still didn't give up.
Running out of steam, the robber finally made it to the home of another friend who wasn't in, but whose wife was. She called the police.

In Iran, a burst of gunfire into the air is a popular tradition at weddings. But at a recent festivities in the Lorestan governorate, a guest killed six and wounded 14 after losing control of his automatic weapon.

David McCumsey entered a hardware store and told the manager he wanted to apply for a job. He was given an application and left to fill it out, as the manager attended to other business. When he looked up, McCumsey was gone, and so were two handguns and a watch.
But the application was right on top of the counter, neatly and accurately filled out with all the suspect's personal information.

In the finest tradition of the Old West, two Arizona residents recently agreed to settle a personal dispute the old-fashioned way, with a shoot-out at 10 paces. Their weapons? Twelve-gauge shotguns. The result: noise, smoke and frustration. They couldn't hit each other.
Sheriff's Detective Warren Hock reported that Tristan Rossum and Jonathan Brown Jr., of Tucson fired three to seven rounds at each other, scoring a total of zero hits. They've been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
"We don't have a felony-stupid rule yet, "said Hock.

Tamika Johnson, 19, was issued a citation in front of the Pomona, California, house when she made a dangerous crossing on a busy street. Right after receiving the ticket, Johnson again tried to cross the street. This time a passing car struck her, breaking her leg.

In Capitol Heights, Maryland, two men robbed worshipers during a Wednesday night service, making off with about $2,000. However, five months earlier, in nearby Annandale, Virginia, a burglar attempting to break into the Holy Spirit Catholic Church was chased off when a priest fired several shots at him with a 9mm handgun.

A Michigan robber learned the hard way not to take a toy gun to a real gun fight when he attempted to rob an off-duty rookie police officer and his girlfriend.
The robber was shot and killed.

It took two hours to print out the list of traffic violations against a man who was arrested for making an illegal U-turn. His license had been suspended 633 times in the past five years.

A city official who admitted stealing $200,000 in public funds and then resigned, asked for $8,500 for unused time off.

The city of Fejing in China prohibits its residents from possession of dogs, alleging it is a wasteful practice that smacks of Western decadence. Regardless, many citizens still hide dogs in their homes because police are authorized to kill pets and strays on sight. Recently, however, the government opened a dog-walking rental park north of the city, where Chinese can walk rented dogs on leashes for about 23 cents per 10-minute walk.

Richard Griffin, police chief of Alfred, Maine, was ordered to pay a fine and restitution of $250 for punching a citizen over who was next in line at a doughnut shop.

A Florida man was shot at close range with a .38 caliber revolver. One shot went into his shoulder and exited his back. The second round hit him square in the forehead. The round didn't penetrate his skull, it just stuck to his head. The man told police that the only thing wrong with him was some ringing in his ears.

Vickie Sumser, 33, was charged with attempted murder, conspiracy and criminal solicitation after paying an undercover cop in Los Lunas, N.M., $250 of the $750 she offered to have husband killed. The intended victim, Robert Sumser, says he became suspicious when his wife began being nice to him and even cooking him dinner.

In Rich Creek, West Virginia, an amputee pleaded guilty to attacking the town police chief with his artificial leg. Wayne Evans, 37, had been walking out of a restaurant when Chief Leon Billos tried to arrest him for public intoxication.
Evans took off his fake leg and swung it at the chief, striking him in the arm. Evans was convicted of assault and battery of a police officer and obstruction of justice.

Philip Johnson of Kentucky was taken to a hospital in February suffering from an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound to the left shoulder. Two years earlier, he was treated for an identical wound, telling doctors that he had "wanted to see what it felt like to be shot." AS for the recent wound, Johnson said that the first one felt so good he had to do it again.

In Bensalem, Pa., a hero mother duck saved her nine chicks from starvation by flagging down a police car, then leading the puzzled cop to a storm drain where the baby birds were trapped.
"I had never seen anything like it," said Officer Christopher McMullin. Officer McMullin was driving along a quiet rural road when the frantic waterfowl hopped in front of the moving car. The policeman tried to drive around the mallard, but it kept running around in circles to block the squad car, while quacking wildly. "It was going berserk," the officer said. Finally the confounded cop got out of the car and followed the bird. "I heard the chirping of the baby ducks over to my left - and now I know why the ducks was going crazy," McMullin said.
The tiny birds had fallen through the heavy iron grate covering a storm drain near a pond and couldn't get out. With the assistance of two other officers, McMullin pried off the grate and reunited the birds. An ornithologist noted that the reasoning ability displayed by the duck is remarkable.

Karl Ray Johnson, 23, was charged with disorderly conduct at a Mervyn's department store in Vallejo, California, after he fell through a ceiling from a crawlspace ledge on which he was perched. The ledge was just above four dressing rooms in which women were trying on swimsuit.

Randell James Baker, 45, is being held in a Florida jail after he "aimed low"while trying to shoot the button off a friend's baseball cap. Robert Callahan, 47, is in critical condition after being shot in the head with a .22-caliber rifle.
Apparently the two had engaged in a longtime game of surprising the other by shooting the button off the top of the other's cap whenever one of them got a new hat. This time Callahan turned his head at the wrong time. Alcohol was suspected to have played a role in the incident.

In Akron, Ohio, Robert J Hogg, 29, is being held for attempted murder after attempting to electrocute his girlfriend. Hogg went to the woman's home and ordered her at scissor-point to fill and enter her bathtub, then tried to toss in an electric hair dryer. She successfully called for help when he went to find an extension cord.

In July, a federal judge in Brooklyn, N.Y., rejected a prosecutor's request to stop gang leader Antonio Fernandez from selling Amway products. Fernandez, out on bail on drug charges, is restricted to his home except under certain conditions, and the prosecutor thinks a sales route would allow Fernandez a way to conduct gang business.
Fernanzez's lawyer, chiding the prosecutors, said the Amway business was a could lead Fernandez into Tupperware, Mary Kay and Avon.

The Reverend Edgar Dodson of Camden, Arkansas, chose for a sermon the theme "Thou shalt not steal." While he was preaching, someone stole his car.

Police in Venezuela issued a warrant for the arrest of a known criminal. Unfortunately for them, the man's house was built across the Venezuela-Columbia border. Unfortunately for them, the man's house was built across the Venezuela-Columbia border.
When they called to arrest him, he ran into his bedroom, locked the door and phones his lawyer. The bedroom was in Columbian territory, and the offense with which he was charged was not punishable in that country. The Venezuelan police gave up.

Buffalo, New York, police officer Deborah Zangara Mulhern returned to work at desk duty after more than six years on sick leave because of a back injury which incurred when her patrol car was rear-ended.
Three hours into her first shift, Mulhern leaned back in her chair, fell over and had to be taken to Mercy Hospital.

Amateur fire-eater Christopher Dawson swallowed too much turpentine and paraffin during his act. While driving home that night, he was stopped by police. Dawson, of Tauton, Somerset, failed a breathalyzer test and was fined UK Pounds Sterling.

Tennessee police charged an Eagleville man only with indecent exposure because the state has no law against what police believe he really did - have sexual relations with miniature horse.
It became the latest state to recognize the inadequacy of its anti-perversion statutes.

Chinese police have arrested two men for digging up corpses of women and selling them as "ghost brides".
The brothers-in-law exhumed the corpses of two women in Shuanghe Village in central Shaanghe province. They sold the bodies for $160 and $80 to the relatives of two men who had died unmarried. Many Chinese peasants believe people who go their graves unmarried will never rest easy, so bereaved relatives buy "ghost brides" for the deceased to marry posthumously.

Joey Strano, 11, of Pennsylvania, was home alone when a burglar came in and started grabbing stuff, so he ran downstairs and got his mother's butcher knife to confront the man.
Joey's plan didn't work when he dropped the knife. He told the burglar, "Don't take that stuff. It's my mom's." After promising to return the valuables, the man ran off and Joey chased him over a fence. A friend called the police and caught Keith Jones with Jewelry in his pocket.

Two Florida men were charged with murder after a botched holdup resulted in the death of a third suspect. Kevin Carter and Michael Harrison told police that they wanted to be police officers and didn't have the $2,500 needed to enroll in the academy. The third suspect, Antonio Ortiz, died when the store's owner shot him in the hip. Police state the murder charges stem from Ortiz's death.

In Arizona, a company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for western movies. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got a 4 years in jail.

In New York City, the "Zucchini Bandit" was sentenced to 18 years-to-life in prison for a hold-up with a concealed vegetable. Carlos Diaz, 29, was convicted of robbing a man of $20 and a watch by pretending a zucchini hidden under his jacket was a gun.
Defense attorney Steven Silberblatt had argued that Diaz was innocently shopping for vegetables.

In Wesly Chapel, Florida, a young man was hit in the leg by a bullet he fired at the exhaust pipe of his vehicle. When repairing the vehicle, he needed to bore a hole into the exhaust pipe.
When he couldn't find a drill, he tried to shoot a hole in it. Sad for him, his aim was not accurate.

A Bowling Green student had his head bloodied when he was struck by a Conrail train. He told police he was trying to see how close to the moving train he could place his head without getting struck.

A deaf man who was castrated after being falsely accused of rape has struck a tentative settlement with the state for $225,000 and a home on the grounds of a mental hospital where he has lived for 72 years. The deal allows Junius Wilson, who is somewhere between 89 and 100 years old, to continue living in his small cottage on the grounds.
Wilson was placed in Cherry Hospital in 1925 after being found incompetent to stand trial on a rape charge. In 1931, a doctor signed an order for Wilson's castration, a procedure sanctioned under state law for "mental defectiveness and feebleminded inmates" accused of sex crimes.
But Wilson was deaf, not mentally impaired.

In Zimbabwe, an unidentified bus driver was transporting 20 mental patients from the capital city to a mental hospital, when he decided to stop for a few drinks at an illegal roadside liquor store. Upon his return, he was shocked to discover that all the mental patients had escaped. Desperate for a solution, the driver stopped at the next bus stop and offered a free ride to several people. He then delivered them to the mental hospital informing the staff that they were easily excitable.
It took the medical hospital three days to discover the foul play.

Heated competition for customers has pushed French prostitutes to hand out discount coupons, including 50 percent off on their second visit and two-for-one deals.
Paris officials were outraged to see the ladies passing out the coupons on street corners all over town. But frustrated cops say they can't stop them because distributing the material isn't against the law.

Robbery suspect Charles Taylor gave his case the boot when he propped his feet up on the defense table wearing a pair of stolen shoes.
Taylor, who was found guilty of robing a Wichita, Kansas, shoe store at knife point, was identified by the clerk as the guy who took a pair of tan hiking boots and $69, when he kicked back and showed them off.

Authorities in Indonesia have come up with a way to control public demonstrations in their island nation. They release live cobras into crowds that become unruly. So far no one has figured out how to keep the police who handle the poisonous snakes from being bitten, but police Jakarta are touting the plan as a cheap alternative to expensive crowd-control equipment.

A man suspected of hijacking a bus at knife point was knocked down by a police car - with a dog at the wheel. Officers say Cameron Taylor, 35, led the police on a two-and-a-half-hour chase through downtown San Diego, speeding through busy intersections and along freeways before the bus was stopped by spiked strips designed to puncture tires.
Taylor surrendered, but an officer apparently forgot to apply the hand brake on his car when he got out. His K-9 partner jumped into the driver's seat as the car began to roll forward, running over the suspect's foot. Taylor was booked anyway.

When Flagstaff, Arizona, police arrived at an apartment complex one night to break up what a neighbor had described as "a family fight" between a man and a woman, they discovered a middle-aged man surrounded by pictures of nudes and sensational magazines.
Since no one had been seen entering or leaving the apartment all night, police concluded that the man - whom officers described as "rude but cooperative"- had been talking to himself using both the male and female voices.

A citizen in Reno, Nevada, surprised three men in the act of burglarizing his car. It wasn't a very fair fight, and the victim got the worst of it, but finally the furor and resulting attention forced the trio to flee. One of the thieves, later identified as Felimone Ruiz-Perez, 22, was making tracks at high speed when he apparently glanced over his shoulder to see if he was being pursued.
Witnesses said Suir-Perez zigged, but the brick wall in front of him didn't zag to accommodate his change in course. Ruiz-Perez ran into the wall at a dead run, knocking himself unconscious until well after the cops arrived, had a good laugh, and loaded his limp form into an ambulance bound for the hospital.

Two Providence, Rhode Island, police officers were investigated by Internal Affairs after they took a prisoner to his ATM and made him withdraw $80 to pay for the flashlight they lost while arresting him.

A citizen complained because an officer was twisting the corner of his moustache as they conversed.

A motorist parked his car in a No Parking Zone and received a parking tag. The motorist filed an Internal Affairs complaint because he was given the tag.

A night officer rested the end of his long flashlight on his shoulder as he looked at a motorist's driver's license. The man complained to Internal Affairs that he felt threatened by the flashlight.

A motorist complained to Internal Affairs that while one officer was writing him a ticket, his partner was giving him "an evil look"

One officer, who always wears his gloves in the Fall and Winter, received a complaint that he was wearing them when he shook the complainant's hand.

A male officer arrested a man who later filed a criminal complainant to Internal Affairs that the officer had sex with him in the police car as he was being transported to jail. The complainant said he didn't mind the sex, but he did mind the gun the officer held on him.

An officer stopped at a restaurant where for two hours every evening, they gave away free pizza with every purchased drink. A man filed a complaint with Internal Affairs that the officer's slice of pizza was a little bigger than his slice of pizza.

A complainant told Internal Affairs that the officer did a good job on her contact - friendly, informative, professional - but there was something about her body language the complainant didn't like.

An officer was complained about because "he squirmed too much" during a community meeting.

An officer explained to a woman that the dust on her TV would prevent him from lifting fingerprints. She complained to Internal Affairs that the officer said she was a "terrible housekeeper"

Officers told a homeowner that they were looking for a wanted man. Although the man with the warrant had been at the house earlier, the homeowner complained that the officer had asked if the wanted man was there.

A citizen complained to Internal Affairs that an officer on the freeway tapped his horn and pointed for her to move out of the fast lane so he could hurry to a call.

The complainant told Internal Affairs that the officer did a good job on the investigation, but he thought the officer had too gruff of a demeanor.

When an officer pulled away from her traffic stop, she smiled and waved to the motorist. The motorist filed a complaint that he thought her wave and smile were rude.

A woman complained to Internal Affairs that when she said hello to an officer, the officer didn't respond as friendly as the complainant thought she should.

Complainer: I want to complain about an officer. No, he wasn't rude, he was checking my license and registration.
Why am I calling? Well, he just didn't seem to care. I really thought he could have been more sensitive to the situation. Would it be possible for me to visit the officer and find out why he wasn't very caring when he stopped me?

Complainer: Hello? Is this the police department? I want to talk to you about an incident last night in my neighborhood. There was this shooting and an officer started yelling at the crowd to get out of the way so he could investigate the situation. I didn't think he needed to yell, he could have asked us nicely to get out of his way.
The crowd was just trying to see what was happening, but then he yelled again. So I yelled back and he arrested me. I just wanted you to know that arresting me wasn't necessary. Had he been a little more understanding maybe we would have listened.
What? Oh, the man who was shot? I think he died.

Complainer: I want to make a formal complaint about an officer. Well, he just didn't seem to understand what I was trying to tell him. I know that my nine-year-old son shouldn't be out in the middle of the night, but I thought he was in bed. The officer said that maybe I should check because it's dangerous for a little kid to be running around at night. Well, that kind of bothered me. He could have found my son earlier and brought him home. What was he doing all night, anyway? Dunkin' Donuts?

Complainer: I want to tell you I sure didn't like being stopped for speeding the other day. What? Yes, I was speeding, but so were all those other people and it didn't seem fair to me that the officer just nailed me.
Excuse me? Yes, I know it's against the law to speed but when he stopped me he had absolutely no sense of humor. You know, I am a very busy person and I just don't have the time. I mean, he didn't even have his hat on.

Complainer: Hello? Police? Yeah, I want to say that I think your cops need to smile more. They drive around in their cars and they don't smile.

Complainer: Hello, police? Hey, your cops smile all the time. I see them laughing and smiling at nothing. What's so funny?

A robber in Nevada told the convenience clerk he could make one phone call during the holdup, then was surprised to see the police show up.

Three armed thieves interrupted their burglary to take a pregnant woman to the hospital, then returned and finished the job. The pregnant woman developed abdominal pains soon after three armed men broke into her apartment.
One suspect was left with the woman's husband while the other two used their car to transport the woman to a nearby hospital.

After a brawl in a local bar, Pedro Olivera walked home and went to sleep for four hours without realizing he had a knife stuck in his neck. His wife's attempt to remove the kitchen knife were unsuccessful.
Olivera was transported to a local hospital and placed in the intensive care unit. He survived, just as he has done on three previous stabbings.

A murder suspect who tried to turn himself in was turned away from two police stations before he finally got a police officer to arrest him. Police in one Philadelphia precinct told Shron Young he was in the wrong place. "Try homicide," they advised.
Young tried another station, but again he was turned away. But the third time he was lucky, and the 22-year-old was finally arrested.

Allen Adams turned out to be a two-time loser during a Pittsburgh Steelers home game. The football fan was one of three people picked to kick field goals to try to win prizes. But when his name was announced on the loudspeaker, Allegheny County police sergeant John Kearney recognized him from the wanted list.
Adams was handcuffed after his three field goal attempts. He also missed all three kicks.

R.C. Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars and insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The man sued . . . and won. In delivering the ruling, the judge, agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

Radawna Michelle, who coordinated crime prevention programs at Arizona State University, was arrested Nov. 7 and charged with burglary, possession of burglary tools and theft.

A New York City landlord faces second-degree burglary charges after a hidden camera allegedly caught him entering his tenant's apartment and relieving himself in a carton of refrigerated Chinese food.

A Pennsylvania man busted for stealing a car stereo must send birthday cards to the judge who presided over the case. The judge prescribed the peculiar probation terms to remind Leroy Howard Murray Jr. of his crime.

In Louisiana, a man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
The question has to be asked: If a man points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?

While on patrol, a deputy gets a call from his dispatcher of an "unregistered dirtbag." The deputy who didn't realize dirtbags had to be registered, inquired about the dirtbags and was told by an embarrassed dispatcher, that she had made a mistake . . . the call was for unregistered dirt bikes.

A cranky cook tired of getting parking tickets sparked a cop's lunch with red peppers. Officer Robert Sapp says he was sick for four days after the woman coated his hot sausage sandwich with red pepper in Edenburg, Pennsylvania.
The cook was fired.

Tennessee State Police arrested Jack Allen Iles after he threatened to bomb the Attorney General's Office in Nashville. He's going to trial, but we suspect he might get off with some consideration for his mental competence.
After identifying himself on the phone and telling an employee he was going to mail a bomb, he asked for the mailing address. The unnamed employee didn't give it to him.

A woman got her custom-made prosthetic hand back after it was stolen with its diamond and amethyst ring still on the index finger. "I can't believe it," Laura Ferguson, 29, of Hunington Beach, California said. "There is a God. I was starting to get a little doubtful"
Ferguson had the hand stolen from a shopping bag at the Westminster Mall. She had removed the $7,600 device, complete with veins, hot pink nails and painted on freckles, when it became uncomfortable.

A 30-year-old Tampa, Florida, man, Dale Morris, is recovering from a gunshot wound he said was inflicted by the sheriff's deputy who answered his 9-1-1 call. Officials say the deputy fired because Morris was holding a shotgun.

Sitting in a San Antonio, Texas, room awaiting sentencing, convicted burglar Adam Flores, 20, fled when a bailiff unfastened his handcuffs. Police caught him a minute later as he stood calmly waiting for an elevator at the end of the hall.

Durham, N.C., police, looking for a man on a bicycle with a purple tennis racket for questioning in a rash of car break-ins, had the good fortune to spot the suspect walking the bicycle past Durham Police Headquarters. Officers called out to the man, James Howard Westman, 51, but he kept walking. They caught up with him easily, however, because along with the tennis racket, he was hauling, for reasons he didn't explain, a 50-pound bag of cement.

Bridgeport, Connecticut, police arrested Robert Williams, 26, and charged him with several crimes starting with carjacking. According to police, Williams drove the car to the Bronx, N.Y., but then left the car briefly with the car engine running, enabling the victim to drive away, back to Bridgeport, where he called the police.
But Williams apparently could not leave well enough alone. The next day, he paged the victim and tried to extort money from him. The victim agreed to a meeting, then called the police, who were waiting for when Williams showed up to collect.

A man suspected of shoplifting about $100 worth of Polaroid film from a Baltimore Rite Aid pharmacy, surrendered when he happened upon two homicide detectives during his getaway. However, the detectives were merely actors Richard Belzer and Clark Johnson, who had their guns drawn for an arrest scene for their NBC TV series "Homicide: Life on the Streets."
After spotting the "detectives," the suspect said, "oh, no," and sheepishly dropped the film and raised his hands. Real police officers, who were providing security for the filming, came over to make the arrest.

After being reminded that the opening day of hunting season in Virginia had been postponed a week, a game warden, who bagged a quail on what he thought was opening day a week earlier, wrote himself a ticket and paid the fine.

In Washington state, a man with a meat cleaver in his head and butcher knife in his back drove himself to the hospital. Amazingly, he was released the next day after treatment. A woman and her son were arrested later in Kentucky for the assault, which had occurred after an argument over $125 in rent money.

Montana Republican State Senator Jim Burnett is drafting legislation that calls for a spanking on the bare buttocks of any adult or teenager found guilty of vandalism.

Paris police are on the lookout for a clever crook who gives victims a "hotfoot" while they are dining at fancy restaurants, then steals their purses as they're trying to put out the flames.
The hotfoot - which involves inserting a wooden match in the victim's shoe and then lighting it - causes such a disturbance that the culprit is long gone before anyone notices the missing purse.

A Shengyang, China, a man has been arrested and sentenced to 18 days in jail - for singing on the telephone. Xia Li-Khong had been fined for singing on the phone twice in the past three months. In may parts of China, it's against the law to sing on the phone.

A quick-change artist tried to pay $2,850 in parking fines with 285,000 pennies divided among four garbage cans. Florida officials refused to take the coins, which were neatly wrapped in paper and plastic tubes. "You spent all this time and went to all this trouble," said one city employee. "You should've just paid the bill or written a letter to the editor"
The man's troubles began when the city fined him for constantly parking his tow trucks in front of his home. To get its money, it placed a lien on his business and also filed suit. When the man tried to pay with a check, the city wouldn't take it, because they can't accept checks from people they are suing.

Fish and Game officers didn't have to do much investigating to catch a pair of Montana Elk poachers. After committing their crime, they backed their truck into a snowbank leaving a perfect reverse-image of the license plate.

When police found a terrified woman sitting in her car, her head clutched in her hands, they asked what was wrong. "I've been shot," she screamed. "I'm holding in my brains"
The Texas cops noticed that the woman's head was indeed covered in gray matter, but they soon discovered the reason for it in the back seat of her car.
A can of bread dough had exploded in the summer heat, going off like a gunshot as it scattered grey, gooey stuff all over the inside of the woman's vehicle.
When told she was dealing with bread, not brains, the "gunshot" victim drove away.

An appeal's court in New Jersey denied worker's compensation benefits to the widow of security guard Bruce Miney, 34, who killed himself in 1989 playing "Russian roulette" on the job.

In Illinois, an $88 specialty license plate that shows a dove holding an olive branch intended to raise funds for anti-violence programs is gaining popularity with street gang members, police said. The plates have been showing up on the cars of known and suspected gang members in Decatur and Springfield.

A woman flying by a police officer got caught and said she was in a hurry. She also said her son had a doctor's appointment and she was running late. The officer pointed out two things to her: One, she was headed in the wrong direction for the appointment; two, where was her son?

One evening, in a dark secluded spot, a police officer pulled up to the car and ordered the couple out of the vehicle. Unfortunately for them, they were wearing each other's underwear and the pink lace didn't do anything for the guy.

Misbehaving students at one school got the shock of their lives when they screwed up. They were being punished by being given painful jolts in a real electric chair.
Countless kids, some as young as six, went through the electrifying experience at St. Anne's Residential School on the west coast of James Bay in a remote region of Canada. The school was closed in 1973, but many graduates still nurse the bitter memories. Stories told at a reunion led to the investigation. "I was scared all the time," says Edmund Nakogeo, 43. "You were scared to tell your parents" A three-year investigation of St. Annie's by police is expected to result in charges against operators of the school.

Some fed-up residents in New York got a drug dealer out of their neighborhood by stacking their stinky socks and dirty underwear outside his door until he left.
"The cops wouldn't do anything," said one woman. "So we had to. It smelled so bad out there that no customers would come to his door, not even hard-core addicts. And the smell would seep under his door and drive him crazy. Every time he's come out his door, he'd find a new batch of rank-smelling clothes"

Officer Jim Watkins in Anaheim, California, finally got fed up with climbing into his patrol car only to find the vehicle strewn with garbage left from the previous shift.
Hoping to nip the disgusting problem, Watkins decided to deliver the mess to its proper owner. "I gathered up what stuff would fit into department route envelopes and addressed them to the person who used the car before me along with a note that read: I am returning these items to you. What is trash to me must be important to you as you did not discard it any time during your shift"

First, the town of Gregory, Texas, with a population of 2,600, lost its police force when the chief was fired and the other two officers found different jobs. Then it lost its police equipment.
Up to $6,000 worth of equipment, including a shotgun, bulletproof vest and radios, was stolen from the empty police station.

In Louisville, Kentucky, despite the state's new law allowing concealed weapons, a survey finds 65 percent of stores in the state will post signs forbidding customers from carrying their weapons inside.

Two elderly men in Florida were arrested in Palm Beach and charged with stealing a woman's purse at the Ritz Carlton Hotel.
Police say Isaac Sliverberg, 78, who has an arrest record that includes strong-arm robbery, and his alleged accomplice, Neil Berg, 60, who has previous arrests for wire fraud and gambling-related charges, were arrested after a high-speed chase.

A handcuffed shoplifting suspect stole an idling patrol car from the parking lot at St. Petersburg, Florida police headquarters and sped off, but police didn't give chase because he was considered nonviolent. The stolen cruiser was found a few hours later, about 100 blocks away.
The suspect, Anastasios Balodimas, 29, was arrested the next day in Largo - for shoplifting.

A judge in Nova Scotia jailed Frank Gould for 45 days on a DUI charge. The police officer pulled in behind Gould at a gas station after the officer spotted him weaving in traffic. Gould became disoriented as he got out of his car and leaned into the patrol car while telling the officer to "fill 'er up."

Edilber Guimaraes, 19, was arrested for attempted theft at a Brazilian glue factory. When he stopped to sniff some of the glue he was stealing, he keeled over, spilled a few cans and glued himself to the floor. When discovered two days later, he had to be cut loose by firemen.

In Oslo, Norway, a hapless car thief being pursued by the rightful owner of a stolen auto became so terrified, he figured he'd be safer in jail - so he called the police.
The furious car owner was in another vehicle when he spotted his stolen car on the highway and immediately gave chase. After 15 miles, the thief chickened out and called the cops on a cell phone in the vehicle. Obliging officers quickly came and arrested the panicky crook.

A guy was caught stealing money from a parking meter. When asked why he was doing that, he said he hadn't used up all his time on the meter and wanted a refund.

In Arizona, parents and teachers of school children on Gila River Indian Reservation were reportedly outraged recently to learn that police had allowed a convicted child molester to dress up as "McGruff the Crime Dog" for elementary students.
Alfred Thurman, 27, was let out of jail by a tribal police officer to pose as McGruff at a school fair. Some parents claim he inappropriately touched the children as he hugged them. Police apologized for what they said was a mistake, saying the officers involved weren't aware Thurman was a molester.

In Beijing, a young bachelor was sentenced to life in prison with no chance for parole - for dialing a Hong Kong sex line. The Intermediate People's imposed the sentence against Dai Jingwei, 26, saying anyone who would pay to listen to such filth doesn't deserve to live among decent citizens. Dai said he placed the three-minute call on a lark after seeing the sex line advertised in an underground newspaper.

Oodnadatta, Australia police have arrested a man for riding a camel while intoxicated. Officer spotted the man, Rick Hall, riding a mother camel and leading her baby along a rural road outside of town. When they stopped him, the tipsy fellow allegedly hopped on the back of the baby camel and tried to escape.
But the baby brought him back because it missed its mother.

A one-legged man swerved his car to avoid hitting a blind woman crossing the street in New York City and crashed into a pickup truck driven by a one-armed man.
The two drivers were treated and released at a nearby hospital. No charges were filed.

A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching speeders, but he wasn't catching anyone. One day the officer found the problem: a 10-year-old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand-painted sign that said: "Radar Trap Ahead."
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign saying "Tips" and a bucket at his feet, full of change.

A state highway patrolman in Wyoming would ask why they were exceeding the speed limit when he stopped them. If the excuse was original, he would usually let them go with a warning. The best excuse he ever heard was when he stopped and asked a young man why he was doing 70 mph in a 55 zone.
The driver told the officer: Well, my wife is going to get pregnant in 30 minutes, and I want to be there when it happens."

Aurora, Illinois prosecutors are considering filing charges against a tavern owner whose homemade burglary alarm system electrocuted a would-be burglar.

A guy was driving his late '60s car on a turnpike at about 100 mph. Soon an officer sternly stated, "License and registration. "Several minutes later he returned with a written warning for driving 100 in a 65 zone.
The offender said, "Not to be disrespectful, but how do you decide when to give a ticket and when to give a written warning?"
The officer responded, "It depends on . . . the nature of the offense . . . the condition of the road . . . the weather . . . the attitude of the offender . . . or in this case, I'm out of tickets."

A New York man who had stolen money from his own restaurant tripped up when police asked to describe his attacker. The police sketch looked exactly like him.

Police in Minnesota were baffled by a thief who was burglarizing homes in their community yet was careful not to leave any fingerprints behind. The perpetrator apparently experienced a lapse in brain power when he answered a knock at the door of a home he was burglarizing wearing his white athletic socks on both hands.

A brain-challenged thief tried to knock off a Florida deli. After the owner broke his nose with a salami, the would-be robber fled the store and hid in the trunk of a nearby car - which belonged to undercover cops.

A man called police after his former girlfriend used two mice to "assault" him, knowing he was deathly afraid of rodents. The man told police she had placed the mice on the table, then put them in his bed before she left.

Pursued by police, three teen car thieves screeched to a halt on a Virginia highway, fled into the woods and ran smack into Alexandria police headquarters. Worse yet, the building was surrounded by officers teaching K9 dogs how to apprehend suspects.
"It was like part of the K-9 drill," said Chief Charles Samarra. "There were so many officers it was hard to figure out who made the arrests."

Accused thief, Marie O'Shea, of England didn't show up for her trial because she dreamed it had already been held. Marie, 31, couldn't understand why the police arrested her for failure to appear. She was fined $320 for stealing money from a charity box.

Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automatic speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40, and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police department that contained another picture - this one was of handcuffs.

In Los Angeles, a man was ticked off when another pedestrian bumped into him on a rainy day - so he stabbed the guy in the eyes with his umbrella. The tip of the makeshift weapon went straight into the brain of the unidentified victim, who was hospitalized in critical condition.

In Detroit, a distraught man not only took his own life, but accidentally killed his best friend with the same shot.
Police have determined that Elrod J. Hill, 46, put the muzzle of a semiautomatic rifle against the right side of his head and pulled the trigger. The bullet passed through his brain and blew away pal Brian Olesky, who was sitting on the couch beside him.
Investigators believe Olesky, 46, may have been trying to talk his buddy out of committing suicide.

An 85-year-old woman in Chicago sat cold, frightened and apparently unnoticed in her son's Corvette for two hours when the car was hooked to a tow truck and hauled off to an impound yard.
Ruth Wexler stayed in the car to keep warm after her son parked it on Friday outside a food store where he planned to shop. First, though, he ran an errand nearby.
Wexler, reading her mail while she waited, noticed the car starting to move. "I realized that the car was going backward and there was something wrong, she said. "Of course I was scared. "However, she sat tight because she initially thought the car may have had a flat tire and that her son was having it towed. The winter weather also was a factor in her decision not to leave the car. It was "slippery, windy and cold, "she said.
Two hours later, Bruce Wexler found his mother sitting patiently in the car at the impound lot a few blocks away. Although the tow driver said he didn't see her in the car, Bruce Wexler is skeptical. "This is a corvette," he said. "There is no way you can't see her."
The towing company has apologized and drivers are being reminded to check cars for passengers before towing them away. Nevertheless, Bruce Wexler says he is considering a lawsuit. "She could have had a heart attack," he said.

A man driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place.
Man: What's the problem, officer?
Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir. I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
Officer: I'm going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light.
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
Officer: I'm going to give you another citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut up, honey!
Officer: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

In Dublin, Ireland, a cyclist crashed through a glass door and bled to death - at a blood bank.
Motorcycle enthusiast Eric Helma, 22, severed so many arteries that the doctors on the scene couldn't save him. "There was so much blood on the floor," one nurse said. "It was a terrible waste, in many ways."

Cops in St. Paul, Minnesota, had to change the locks at headquarters after a thief stole the chief's keys.
Chief Bill Finney and his wife were celebrating their anniversary at a restaurant when the crook also lifted one of the top cop's credit cards and used it to charge $500 in electronic equipment.

Two kids stole a statue of Ronald McDonald and sent a ransom note to the store. They asked for 150 milkshakes, 150 hamburgers, and one diet soda to go, in order to release the statue, signing the note the "Hamburglar". If they didn't get what they wanted, they would "melt down the clown into ashtrays and give the ashtrays to Burger King."

Police interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with metal wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's Lying" was placed in the copier and the police pressed the copy button each time they believed the suspect was not telling the truth. Believing that the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

A man charged with kidnapping and sexual battery agreed to a plea bargain, which the judge had almost agreed to. However, as the defendant confessed in court, he began to implicate Larry Hagman, Victoria Principal, and Sylvester Stallone in the plan to kidnap the girl. The judge decided the defendant's confession might not be reliable.

After the police puled him over, a driver jumped out of his car, ripped out a radar detector, slammed it onto the ground, and stomped on it as he screamed, "I paid $500 for this damn thing, and it doesn't work. "The police then informed him that they only stopped him for a license plate problem, not speeding.

A defendant acted as his own attorney in a robbery trial. His cross-examination of the police detective who investigated the robbery was going well, or so he thought. The detective referred to the clerk as a witness, when the defendant immediately jumped in, saying, "What are you talking about some witness, man? There was only me and her in the store."

Charles Collins III, frustrated about a child custody case, was indicted in Albany, New York, for his January protest at the state Court of Appeals building. Collins had hooked a spray gun to a 55-gallon drum of chicken manure and covered the front of the building.

In Juneau, Wisconsin, a woman has been arrested for locking her two-year-old son in the trunk of her car because, she said, she couldn't afford a baby-sitter. The mom allegedly told the cops she stuffed the infant into the trunk because she "thought he would be safer there."
The police were called after passers-by heard a child's screams of "Mommy!" coming from the trunk. The woman, Dawn Weber, 23, was charged with child abuse.

In Ohio, an unidentified man in his twenties walked into a police station with a nine-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an x-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen.
Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a six-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and arrested him.

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,' the man shouted, "That's not what I said"

Englishman Kevin Pierce was given 12 months probation after he took his obsession with tidiness a bit too far. Besides keeping his own home immaculate, the 41-year-old Pierce spent up to five hours every day cleaning up the courtyard around the other flats in his apartment complex. But then he started peering through his neighbors windows and complaining that their homes weren't clean enough. The crunch came when he threatened 21-year-old student Julie McNamara, saying he'd blow up her car if she didn't tidy up to his standards.

Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant, sir?
Defendant: No, sir. I'm the guy who stole the chickens.

Judge: You have a right to a trial by jury; but you may waive that right. What do you want to do?
Defendant: (Hesitates)
Lawyer: (to defendant) Waive.
Defendant: (Waves at the judge)

Lawyer: Could you briefly describe the type of construction equipment used in your business?
Witness: Four tractors.
Lawyer: What kind of tractors are they?
Witness: Fords.
Lawyer: Did you say 'four'?
Witness: Ford. Ford. Like the Ford. It's a Ford tractor.
Lawyer: You didn't say 'four' you just said 'Ford'?
Witness: Yes, Ford. That is what you asked me: What kind of tractors.
Lawyer: Are there four Ford tractors? Is that what there is?
Witness: No, no. You asked me what kind of a tractor it was and I said Ford tractors.
Lawyer: How many tractors are there?
Witness: Four.

In Therean, Iran, a man had been sentenced to 100 lashes in public and fined $350 for the "crime" of subscribing to Playboy.
In Islamic court ruled that Hashem Qader was guilty of impure behavior - even though he never actually received a single copy of the men's magazine. Authorities intercepted Qader's subscription order before it ever left the country.

A Florida man, 38, who was threatened to a sort of facial by the oversized breasts of a stripper named Tawny Peaks at a bachelor party in his honor, sued the Diamond Dolls club for $15,000, claiming head and neck injuries, disability, pain and suffering, disfigurement, mental anguish and loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life. The case ended up on "People's Court," where the judge, former New York City mayor Ed Koch, ruled against the claim. A woman court officer who examined the breasts in questions pronounced them "soft" and weighing two pounds each.

Sixteen-year-old Happy Stewart appeared at Falkirk Sheriff Court in May and admitted assaulting a man, hitting a table with a broom handle and breaking crockery. She said she was "fed up" with being called Happy, a name that didn't suit her, and decided to change it. She agree to undergo anger management counseling and was fined.

A French burglar stole a bottle of lion urine and guzzled it down, thinking it was exotic wine. The thief broke into the home of a well-to-do wine connoisseur and stole a bottle of "exotic Roar," a product packaged like wine but is actually lion's urine, used to keep cats off lawns and gardens. An hour later, he was puking his guts out. A friend brought him and the "wine" to a Paris General Hospital where he was treated for gastritis - and arrested.

An Arizona woman whose husband walked around for four days with a bullet in his head pleaded no contest to aggravated assault in the shooting. Willain Randall of Mesa didn't realize he'd been shot until doctors discovered the bullet, which had entered through his cheek and lodged in his head near the spine. He thought he had suffered a stroke after waking up from a nap in front of the TV. Investigators found a note written by the wife but apparently never seen by the victim read, "Bill, you've been shot. Call 9-1-1"

A man accidentally shot himself in the right foot three times one morning with three different handguns, police in Princeton, W.Va., said. The 38-year-old man was drinking beer and cleaning his guns when his .32-caliber handgun went off, but it "didn't hurt," according to the man, so he finished the job, then began cleaning the .380 and then pulled out a his .357 pistol, only to shoot himself a third time. This time, the man told the police, it "really does hurt because the bullet was a hollow point," so he called an ambulance.

In Alma, Michigan, an unidentified woman was arrested after leading cops from five police agencies on a car chase reaching 110 m.p.h. wearing nothing but her seatbelt. Police said they had no idea why the 46-year-old woman was driving a borrowed car in the nude. "She was all over the place passing on the right and everything," Shepherd Police Chief Wayne Donley said. Officers finally arrested the naked lady after she pulled into a parking lot. They draped her in a raincoat and hustled her away.

A kind, San Francisco car burglar didn't hesitate to do the right thing when he discovered the cremated ashes of a six-year-old fetus in a marble box he had just ripped off from a Ford.
He promptly returned the box to the Holiday Inn where he had broken into the vehicle, along with a brief note of apology, reading, "Oops, sorry. Return to Sender"
The car owners were a Florida couple who had driven cross country to bury their miscarried son.

Paris Homicide Detective Louis Champey was rushing to the scene of a murder when the long arm of the law reached out and nabbed him for speeding. Traffic officer Marcel Rees gave the stunned detective a ticket for exceeding the speed limit in a residential zone.
"I told him I was going to a homicide investigation. It didn't seem to make any difference," said Detective Champey.

A judge in Minnesota became furious at seeing a man in his courtroom wearing a hat. He instantly ordered the disrespectful man out. The man quickly left, without a word. A few minutes later, the judge learned that the guy in the hat was awaiting trial on a burglary charge.
By ordering him from the courtroom, the judge had inadvertently dismissed the charges against him.

Peter Schrempf, 28, was trying to cure his buddy's hiccups when he put a gun to his pal's head, pulled the trigger and blew him away. Schrempf told police he only wanted to scare Fritz Eberle, 23, and didn't know the pistol was loaded. He was arrested for manslaughter.

A guy threw a manhole cover through a jewelry store window one night. He filled his pockets with rings, gems and diamonds. When he turned to flee from the scene, he fell into the open manhole and broke his leg. The police easily chased down the hobbling crook.

During an interrogation, an officer asked a drug dealer for his date of birth. Thinking that this was an easy question to answer, the wily drug dealer replied, "May 5th."The officer asked, "What year?" With an expression that indicated he thought the cop was stupid, he answered, "Every year"

In Michigan, a man walked into Burger King, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down saying he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. The robber then ordered onion rings but the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The robber, frustrated, walked away.

Una Stoeber, 86, told police she was walking along a downtown German street when she was mugged - by Siamese-twin purse snatchers. The victim said the thugs - joined at the hip - swiped her purse, then trotted off on four legs and disappeared into an alley.

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, Rhode Island after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing four bags of money.
It turned out they contained $800 in pennies, weighing 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

In Miami, Florida, police responding to a residential burglary call, found a human thumb next to a shotgun. The thumb obviously had been shot off. Calling hospitals, they found a man who was being treated for a hand injury, a missing thumb. The gun went off when the burglar set it down after removing it from the case.
The hospital was unable to replace the thumb.

In Ureka, California, a woman was sentenced to 120 days in jail after she admitted setting brush fires to create work for her fire-fighter son.

In Dallas, Texas, three killers who had cut through a foot-thick wall were climbing down a rope made of bed sheets. At the time, a fellow inmate, possibly angry at being left behind, slit their rope with a razor. They tumbled to the ground and were quickly arrested.

Two teenage robbers in Miami, Florida, grocery store robbery attempt, shot and wounded each other in the heist. Witnesses said that when one reached over the store counter he accidentally fired his gun, hitting his accomplice in the thigh.
Surprised, his pal squeezed the trigger of his gun hitting the other in the leg. They were both arrested for armed robbery.

A Hemet, California man had the good sense not to drive after drinking. However, police were not enthralled with his choice for a designated driver, the man's 12-year-old son. The man was arrested.

A bicycle thief in Los Angeles who made off with a $5,000 racing bike found no breaks. A barking dog found the bicycle and the man piled up at the bottom of a steep street after he had taken a nasty spill. He was admitted to the hospital with a fractured skull, and was later charged with felony residential burglary.

Two men, one armed with a handgun, held up a Girl Scout outside a supermarket and stole $100 and a box of cookies in Tampa, Florida. They were never caught.

A burglar broke into a gift shop in Sidell, Louisiana, unaware the owner was in the rear of the establishment. The owner opened fire on the intruder, but missed. Even so, the burglar, running pell-mell from the store, ran headlong into a steel bar across the front door, knocking his teeth out. He was arrested when he went to a hospital for treatment.

A Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, man, who oinked at his wife and played "Old McDonald Had a Farm" when his ex-wife walked by, was handed a 30-day sentence for harassment.

A Montana State University chemistry professor claimed in March that he was wrongfully accused of being drunk after an accident (which occurred while he was on workrelease for a previous drunkdriving sentence). While a state trooper found him "highly intoxicated," the professor said a chemical explosion in his lab caused him to smell and act drunk and that his statement to the trooper about having consumed a sixpack of beer was merely "incoherent babbling" because of the trauma of the accident.

Steven L. Johnson, 40, sentenced to two years in prison in Brookings, S.D., in April for drunk driving, explained to the judge: "I enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the most pleasurable habits I've had."

Only days apart, two Wisconsin men arrived in court drunk for their trials on drunkendriving charges. Both denied they had been drunk while driving, and both denied they were drunk in the courtroom. James Heard had a 0.26 bloodalcohol level on his trial day in Milwaukee, and John Newbury registered 0.22 at his LaCrosse trial both more than double the 0.10 legal maximum.

A jury in Tavares, Fla., convicted Leal Fleming, 45, of drunk riving in November despite his insistence that the reason he slurred his words to a police officer, and couldn't breathe into a machine, was that he had just been bitten on the tongue by a rat snake and was on his way to a hospital to get treatment for the swelling. Said Fleming after the trial, "After the verdict came in, I had some second thoughts [about not taking an offered plea bargain], but I still think there was a point to our defense."

In Miami in August, Levon Howard lost a shoot-out with his roommate Edwin Heyliger, who was charged with murder. Howard had broken into Heyliger's room, angry that someone had drunk his KoolAid, and in the ensuing argument, both scrambled for guns.

In Romford, England, Philip Pyne, 51, off work last summer and intending to do some heavy drinking but worried that he might fall off his bar stool if he got too drunk, attempted to tack his legs onto the stool with nails but abandoned the idea in pain and called an ambulance.

A pedestrian recently won a $600,000 judgment against Metro (the Washington, D.C., transportation authority) after being hit by a bus, despite the fact that he was drunk at the time and partying on a public street in a Batman costume. For the entire duration of the trial, the man's lawyer was able to suppress from the jurors' ears another fact about his client: At the time of the collision, for some reason, he was wearing a condom.

St. Louis juror Frederick Pinkins was sentenced to three days in jail and a $700 fine for contempt of court in April after he missed final deliberations in a murder trial. He told the judge that the jury's discussion (in a lover's triangle case) depressed him so much that he got drunk and overslept.

In May, over the opposition of state Sen. Joe Neal, the Nevada Senate passed a bill to prohibit people from carrying guns while drunk. Neal argued that the bill would hurt activities of gun clubs, some of which permit drinking during targetshooting socials.

In February, William James Silva, 44, was arrested in San Jose, Calif., when he allegedly robbed a police decoy posing as a streetcorner drunk. It was the 550th time Silva had been arrested, and his record reaches 127 feet of computer paper. (According to police, before robbing the decoy, Silva had argued with a friend about whether the man was a police officer, with Silva insisting he wasn't.)

In May, the Missouri Court of Appeals turned down David Turner's appeal of the automatic suspension of his driver's license for refusing to take a blood alcohol test. His argument to the court was that, when arrested, he was too drunk to realize that he should have submitted to the test.

Los Angeles police searched in April for an eightmonthold girl whose parents (a realty agent and a legal assistant) got so drunk they could not remember her whereabouts, offering as the best guesses her crib (raising the possibility that she had been abducted) and a taco stand the couple had visited earlier in the day.

Harold Keith Lone, 40, set for sentencing last summer for driving his school bus while drunk near Encino, Calif., showed up in court staggering, shouting obscenities, gesturing wildly, and with alcohol on his breath. Asked if he were presently drunk, Lone replied, "No way. No way, Jose."

In October, Pennsylvania Rep. Alan Butkovitz introduced legislation to end a disparity in state law. Under the unsatisfactory law, a drunk driver who causes an accident and fails his bloodalcohol test is subject to a felony charge, but one who manages to flee the scene before the cops get there, sober up and turn himself in later is subject only to a misdemeanor.

Recently, Chesapeake, Va., inmate Robert Lee Brock filed a $5 million lawsuit against Robert Lee Brock accusing himself of violating his religious beliefs and his civil rights by getting himself drunk enough to engage in various crimes. He wrote, "I want to pay myself $5 million [for this breach of rights] but ask the state to pay it in my behalf since I can't work and am a ward of the state." In April, the lawsuit was dismissed.

Ronnie Wade Cater, 39, was arrested in Hampton, Va., in October and charged with calling in a bomb threat. According to detectives, he was sitting at a bar, drunk, and had the idea to tell police there was a bomb at another bar, hoping to divert enough officers to that bar so that he might drive home undetected. However, probably because he had been drinking, he lingered on the phone a little too long while talking to the dispatcher, and the call was traced.

In October, a University of New Hampshire business major, in a letter to the school newspaper, blamed his recent drunken driving on a police crackdown on underage drinking in the university's home of Durham. Because he has to drive to another city to drink, the student wrote, "I can expect to be doing a lot more drunk driving."

In Perth, Australia, when James Fenwick drove off the road and smashed into a telephone pole, police arrested him for being blind drunk - and just plain blind, too.
Fenwick said he was trying to drive a drunk buddy home, even though he can't get a license because he's blind. He was sentenced to two days in jail.

A drunken robber stumbled into a gas station in Ionia, Michigan, and demanded the cash in the till. When the two service station attendants refused, the robber threatened to call the police.
When the mechanics refused again, the thief kept his word. He called the police and was promptly arrested.

Cops did a double take when they spotted a car weaving wildly down the road with Finley the iguana at the wheel. When the car pulled over outside Clearwater, Florida, officers found the real driver, John Ruppell, slouched down in the seat and arrested him on a drunken driving charge. Finley was taken to the SPCA.

A drunkard is suing law enforcement officers in Kentucky because they were too easy on him. Michael Schmitz claims that at the time of his arrests, police officers handed him back his SKS assault rifle with 27 rounds when they couldn't figure out how to operate it.
Officers instructed him to dismantle and remove the clip from the weapon, even though he was drunk and violent at the time. In his $1.9 million lawsuit, Schmitz says that he could have started shooting people, and the police should never have given the weapon to him once they had seized it. He believes that society should be protected from the likes of him and his lawsuit will teach the officers a lesson.

A city official in Buffalo, New York, who admitted to stealing $200,000 in public funds and then resigned, asked for $8,500 for unused time off.

Rival gang members arriving at a police station at the same time to post bail for fellow members began fighting and firing weapons right at the station house door.
No officers were injured during the melee between members of the Los Solididos and La Familia gangs but ten people, including four juveniles, were arrested.

Poking fun at the money-for-guns trade-in programs, a New York pro-gun advocate offered felons 200 rounds of ammunition in exchange for their old sneakers. He said, "The chosen footwear of our criminal subculture are sneakers which facilitate quick getaways after predatory acts"

A six-year-old girl turned out to be the culprit in a series of over 400 prank calls to Jersey City's 911 system over the past year. Police set up a stakeout at the phone booth where the calls apparently originated to catch the prankster. "We were surprised that she was so young," said Police Director Michael Moriarty. Police have ordered the girl's parents to receive counseling on the importance of 911.

To the embarrassment of federal officials, Abraham Lincoln's home has become popular to more than just tourists. Prostitutes are frequently arrested around the site.
The U.S. Park Service promised to enforce a federal law that allows federal prosecutors to press charges if a crime is committed on federal property. Prostitution near the site has been a recurring problem, usually at night when tourists are gone.